This N' That

So, I meant to post this on our actual anniversary, but if my mom was right about one thing she told me, it was when she said: "life doesn't get easier or slow down, when you're older." So without further ado...this is my anniversary post....a month late! :)

I have seen this picture circulating the web a lot recently: 

 

And quite frankly, sometimes after a REALLY long sleepover with even my best of friends, I would tend to get frustrated with them after a few days of constant together-ness. :) So yes, Christie Cook, you're entirely right...marriage IS JUST LIKE THAT! 

But the important part of it all is that after you get over your partying and late night grumpiness from the sleep over...that person is always still your best friend. :) And that goes for marriage as well; after the late nights and frustration of shoes being all over the house, deer/elk meat all over the kitchen, used car inventory papers folded in quarters and laying precariously EVERYWHERE or over enthusiasm at all times in the morning when you want to kill mornings with a shot gun...the important thing is, me looking at that person and finding those ridiculous traits somewhat adorable. NOT because they ever will be adorable, but because it’s important to overlook those flaws and focus on the fact that he irons EVERYTHING, does more laundry than you do, lets you get your nails and hair done on a regular basis, buys you nice shoes when you're a cheap skate, helps with anything and everything pre-school related, or lets you buy whatever you want when you want it. I could go on and on with the positive...so why is it that in most marriages, the only thing we seem to focus on is the negative...we focus on everything the other person doesn't do?

I took a marriage and family relations class in my brief, but memorable time at SUU. The professor was phenomenal and taught in a way that I understood and loved. He made the point that, as humans, we are almost programmed to focus on the negative. He had statistics saying that most healthy relationships are 80% positive and 20% negative, but we like to focus on the negative because we are natural problem solvers. Being natural problem solvers is a blessing as human beings because we have been able to evolve over time and live in the technologically advanced world we are in today...but in a marriage it’s difficult to be a problem solver due to the overwhelmingly simple fact that we are two different people. Thus, we draw conclusions on problems solving in two completely different ways. 

I used to hate the quote: agree to disagree. I felt that there were always ways that two people could be completely and utterly happy with one conclusion...marriage proved me wrong on that REAL quick. You can try and hash things out all night long but as long as you each have opinions (and you should) each side is going to have to give in a little no matter what the compromise. Sometimes you meet in the middle, sometimes you give in and sometimes you get to take...but the essence to each side being happy is the balance of giving and taking. 

I may slaughter this quote, but I remember my mom telling it to me when I was in high school: "if both people in a relationship woke up each morning and said: what can I do for my spouse today, there would be far less divorce...." I completely agree with that. I find the times I have felt the least happy are when I find myself asking how I am benefiting from the relationship. You can't be unhappy when you are serving your spouse.

like I have mentioned before many times; I have crohns disease and it has had its ups and downs over the last year...Mike marrying me knowing I had these issues and knowing it could get VERY expensive down the road was enough for me to want to hold on to him forever...he takes every health trial I face in stride and I am so grateful for that. I could do one service a day for him for the rest of my life and never feel like he's been repaid. I married an amazing man...despite the shoes all over the house. ;)

this is a lengthy blog, and I feel like my points are all over the place...if you've held on with me this long, the point I want to make is that marriage can be such a beautiful refiners fire...and it’s going to take work and it’s going to throw you insane curves...but be willing and loving and know that there was a reason why you started out so insanely in love and wanting to tie yourself to that person for forever in the first place...keep pictures of yourselves around the house of when you were first dating or first married, keep little notes to yourself of when the other person did something sweet or thoughtful and refer to it when you are sick of the sleepover!! There is always something positive to pull out of a healthy relationship (I say healthy because there are some situations I would even give up on...please don't feel like I am trying to tell you to stay miserable if you find yourself in abusive or non-loyal situations). Try your hardest to get rid of the negative 20%n thoughts and focus on the 80% positive until that 80% feels like its 100%. 

If you're going to work hard at anything...let this be it. :)

And remember, "Some folks are only as happy as they make their minds up to be." --Abe Lincoln 

Be happy, always!!!

~Kyli